The Japanese are often referred to by some (and even by themselves when they are drunk enough to joke about their body structure) as "little yellow monkeys". I am not so sure about the yellow part, but I must admit that when Japanese boys wear their rapperjeans hanging off their permanently erectile organs, and showing 75% of their boxer shorts, the already 50/50 proportions take on a rather simian look as their already long upper body (and large head... thus Paula is considered to have a "small head") look disturbingly longer as the "waist" approaches the ground, thus shortening their legs to simian lengths.... not a good thing to do, J-boys.... nope.
(image: Male Power metrosexual socks from Carolina Artisans, worn on Day 1 of the fair)
But this blog is not about little yellow Japanese monkeys. I thought to choose the title just to let you know that I have returned from the Big Rice Bowl to my beloved nature where I am able to pick up my duties as CEO and chief pollywog of the dis-organization I fondlingly know as My Shangri-la, or bumfuck Japan.
iOFT (International Optical Fair Tokyo - don't ask my why they de-capitalize the i...) is Japan's premier optical trade show that runs from Oct 1-3 every year. They call themselves "the most important optical trade show in Asia". This is very much like the USA calling their baseball's greatest series, "The World Series" when it involves no other teams than those in America. Please see Sheila's "Cheeky and Just for Fun" blog on how to correct this conceptual blunder... (image: Me on Day 1 of the fair)
My customer, frag Optics consists of about five or so people from Australia. Frag is the designer, and 34 years of age. It is the first time for him to venture into the optical field. He is an industrial designer and has won many international awards over a variety of industries (eg. furniture, household, etc.) Anthony could not come. Jim, with a wonderful sense of humour and sarcasm, that only the Aussies (and Canucks) can do so well was a joy to spend time with. Edmund & Sandy, the owners of the factory and partners in frag Optics also attended (when they weren't out shopping which was about 2.5 of the 3 days).
The fair was interesting. I LOVED FINALLY getting out among people, schmooozing them, chatting them up, laughing them, teasing them, (convincing the gorgeous Japanese translator across the aisle to put her arm around me), meeting customers, visiting around, and going out to watch the Japanese get roaringly fall down pukingly shitfaced drunk in various parts of Tokyo (Kabuki-cho, Shimbashi, Shinjuku, et al).
(image: me on Day 1 of the fair)
We even saw one fellow tumble down about 30 flights of concrete stairs in one of the big stations, hit his face on several of the steps and come to a "Raggedy Taro" finish in a heap on the platform. I didn't personally see this as I was on the train looking the other way, but Frag watched him lurch, and sway, and stagger, and stumble the entire time as we were getting our tickets, descending to the platform, and getting on the train. He said that the thing that still haunted him until we parted ways last night was the image of the guy's teeth smashing and flying out of his mouth everywhere and people running over to him as he staggered and tried to stand up in his drunken (and probably numb) state. Such is life in a "state" that is so heavily regulated, and followed, that the people NEED to "release" their pent up energies through death-defying drinking.
My work was a smashing success. Everything I did was above and beyond the call of duty from arriving at the booth well before them, through "sales-interpreting" with gusto and verve, to guide-dogging them around Tokyo for delicious meals, wonderful and compelling conversations, and unstoppable humour (especially the self-deprecating kind). On the last evening I took my clients to a wonderful "fish" restaurant in Shimbashi and had them experience a culinary wonderland of delicious mouth-watering experiences. I ordered (on their bill of course) dish after dish of absolutely memorable, wonderful Japanese foods. I even slipped in whale bacon to get the Aussies to "relax" a little bit *wink*. The Hong Kong factory owner couple chuckled when I showed them the kanji of the food I was ordering, but knowingly kept mum with a grin - bad bad cammy... heeeee).
(image: me on Day 1 of the fair)
The one thing I really enjoyed about this fair was that I did not wear a suit. At all my other trade shows I wore an absolutely to die for suit that had all the italian women in italy passing by stopping, drooling and getting dehydrated over... but this time... I decided to go a little more casual, and "trendy" (as Jenny called it). After all, this trade show was all about eyeglasses, sunglasses and FASHION, so rather than do like all the Japanese dudes and be there in suit and tie, I let my inner fashion mogul loose (possibly for the first time in my entire life!) And it was fun! A lot of fun! Although, I kept having to pull my low rise jeans up as they seemed to want to go lower than they should have. Also, as I spend most of my time these days with no shoes on, it was difficult wearing shoes for 15hour stretches, especially my gorgeous italian leather Moschino shoes I purchased in italy back in 2001.
But I managed. And after the first day of having the typical "stand all day in heels sore back", things were OK. I did, however discover that although I am going to the gym regularly, my body is not used to the trade show standing and walking in thin soled leather shoes anymore. When I returned to my room around midnight for a shower, and then crawled into bed, for the first time in months I found myself instantly awakening at 6am, feeling disoriented, covered in "bed tracks" from the heavy, solid sleep, and wondering what time it was, and more importantly what I was supposed to be doing in a hotel! (this had nothing to do with alcohol as I only had two beer the first night, then one each subsequent night - one seems to be my limit these days without feeling "icky" the next morning). But I made, it out the next day to breakfast, then to the fair for a full day of S&S (Selling & Schmoozing) in my trendy duds and had a blast. (image: Bright Boy metrosexual socks from Carolina Artisans, worn on Day 2 of the fair)
My customers were ecstatic with my efforts and they left in the cab on the last night very very happy. With my services.
The results of the fair, however, were a different matter. Jim is used to getting a lot of sales at trade shows, so the fact that we got NONE at this one was a shocker to him. It was also the very first time for him to experience "this kind of show" in Japan in spite of doing successful trade shows for over 30 years in his optical businesses. 
The biggest takeaway for them was the knowledge they gained regarding the huge difference in Japanese business, and fashion from that of the rest of the world (Jim wasn't too fond of the Japanese women's fashion of short skirts and high boots (with higher "sockings"), though Frag and I were not complaining at all. I think that Frag fell in love with the women over 357 times during the three days we were together).
(image: me on Day 2 of the fair)
They learned that the colours, the shapes, the "numbers" (i.e. measurements), etc. were not what the Japanese distributors wanted. Frag learned that having a purely "art for expression" booth doesn't work, and that you MUST build it primarily for sales, marketing, and to catch the customer's eye, rather than being a work of art. Jim learned how hard it is to get the market here to show an interest (his ego was humbled).
I learned that the beautiful translator across the aisle is 5'4", divorced with one child, has a New Zealand boyfriend living in Hamilton Ontario, and planning to visit him in November, went to University in California, speaks English and Mandarin (studied in Taiwan for one year), was a makeup model, works in the fashion industry, has a quick wit and is very intelligent, and looks great in high heels and jeans! Oh, and she interpreted for the wildly popular French company across the aisle. Yep.
They will be taking their collection to Paris for the Silmo Optical Trade show, and I have asked them to tell me what kind of reception their designs, colours, etc. have over in Europe. Initially this collection was designed for the Euroface, but at the last minute they decided to do Japan which meant that most Japanese distributors would complain about the dimensions of the product. (image: me on Day 2 of the fair)
What the J-guys don't understand is that you don't have to have an Asian-size when you are a foreign brand because the Japanese people don't really care. They want the foreignness, and the exciting colours and shapes as opposed to the typical muted colours and boring designs of Japan. Of course mainstream is not that way, but foreign brands don't need to be mainstream, and there is still a lot of business to be had (if only the J-guys would understand this and take a chance rather than being so damn typical Japanese "drink until you smash your teeth out" conservative).
The first night (9/30) I took Frag to Shimbashi in the rain. We wandered around had dinner, wandered some more, and parted ways. I just happened to get to the right platform but didn't realize that four unrelated trains share the same platform. I got on the wrong train that took me out to Shin Kawasaki, upon which I had to wait 45 minutes to catch a train coming back. This little detour got me home two and a half hours later than I normally would have done. (image: me on Day 2 of the fair)
The second night (10/01) I went out with Jim and Frag into town. This is the night Frag saw the drunken guy with the exploding teeth. I think he has PTSD now as it haunts him in the night. On the way back I missed my stop because I was giving them above and beyond the call of duty fantastic entertaining service by talking to them and engaging them in exciting stories of Japan. That put me about 30 minutes later than planned to get back to my hotel.
On the third night (10/02), all four of us went to ODaiba and had a great dinner. We met Edmund's wife (Hong Kong Factory owner) there. I got the right train home but had to walk about 30 minutes to find my train station, which was no big deal considering I had switched out my italian shoes for my Skechers that I got in NYC with Jenny, last year. (I always bring my work leathers in my pack, but travel between the hotel and venue in comfortable shoes so that when the fair is done for the day I can slip back into them after airing and cooling out my feet at the end of the day - a secret I learned in Italy). (image: Lord of the Manor metrosexual socks from Carolina Artisans, worn on Day 3 of the fair)
For the last night (10/03) we took the trains into Shimbashi again and enjoyed that dinner I explained above. I put them in a taxi and headed home. I did not get lost this time.
Now that's what I call REAL customer service!
This morning I took it very easy; actually I awoke much later than expected (about 7.30 or so) after a very heavy, and solid sleep. I took a shower, had breakfast slowly and then before I was finished, started chatting with a French eyewear designer. He walked by my table, and I caught his eye, smiled, mentioned the weather, asked him to sit down, introduced myself and ... did what I do naturally: entertained him. It was wonderful, but I didn't get seconds of meat because they closed the buffet at 10am. I also missed the great yogurt. I headed back to my room, relaxed a bit longer, then packed up and checked out. (image: me on Day 3 of the fair)
On the way out, I bumped into the French gentleman and helped him decide where he wanted to go today as he was about to experience downtown Tokyo for the first time on an "ootnaboot" alone. I caught my trains with ease, and wound up at my destination, the airport.
While I was waiting at the gate I spent time engaging, and chatting with an Ecuadorian couple who were on their way to Akita prefecture from Ecuador - Holland - France - Tokyo... They were exhausted, as I could see, but after I left them, I think there was a bit of a sparkle in their eyes. We didn't speak much of the same language, but they did their best, I did mine, and a lot of smiles from the eyes went a long way. I hope I left them even a little more energetic than before we had met. I know that I enjoyed taking the time to chat with them.
(image: me on Day 3 of the fair)
After arriving at Komatsu, I drove the hour home, unpacked, had my lunch at 6pm, went to the sento at seven, and here I sit.
Tomorrow I think I'll go to the gym as my back needs some muscle workout. After catching up on my accounting, of course! Oh, and I guess I should have a meeting with the monkeys, the bears and the boars, oh my!
I love you!
Cam
(image: me on Day 3 of the fair)
