From Misfortune Comes Happiness *

Today I had a burning desire to get out in the sun and sweat. So I split up my hostas in the back against the house, that are growing like weeds from ... another galaxy, and moved them to where the normal weeds grow like crazy: in the middle of the sandy area. I found that where the hostas grow, there are no weeds. And I thought that if I could transfer them to the area that gets all weedy, this might decrease my work load for weeding. So I did. And it felt good to finally move again after being sick for the past two weeks...

The past two weeks have been an adventure that I do not recommend anyone else take, if they can avoid it! The problem is, there is no way of avoiding shingles when it hits, and the only thing the doctors know is that it is brought on by either a weakened immune system, or "stress".

Mine started with what I thought was yet another "caterpillar dust from hell rash" and it proceeded to get worse throughout the week. Finally at Day 6 I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with shingles. They say that the pain can be reduced if caught in the first day or so, but that didn't happen.

I have NEVER experienced pain like I did in my head, shooting through the nerve networks, totally uncontrollable. Nothing reduced the pain, not even potent anti-VIRAL medicine. I am on three more weeks of medicine to try to heal the damage done to the nerves in my head from the shingles. I still have slight headaches all day, and especially in the morning after my cranium has been resting (pressure) on the pillow all night.

Thank you ALL for caring for me, loving me and worry about me during these past two weeks. I absolutely adore you and am so grateful to each and every one of you!

The purpose of this blog is NOT to talk about the pain, or give you a running commentary (you can see that on flickr). Instead, I want to tell you about my awakening that I had from this experience...

As most of you know I have been doing a lot of meditation and breathing exercises since January. I have also been reading and studying a lot of "spiritual" things. I have gotten to a point where I can be PRESENT in the NOW moment and very AWARE of my existence in many cases. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it does feel good to experience an internal peace I have never before known in my life.

But...

During these past two weeks of my illness, I was completely unable to be in a single "now" moment! I was unable to "breathe"; I was unable to be "present"; I was completely incapable of listening to a single meditation for a week; and I was, what I would call, very very UN-AWARE (of anything but the pain).

When the pain abated enough for me to move around a little, I started to think deeply on this, meditate for as long as I could before my head would begin the pain, and attempt to pull out a lesson for myself, to find some sort of positive education that I might gain from this ordeal...

I believe that from now on I will be better able to understand people who are unable to be present for whatever reason. I know now what it feels like to be physically unable to be there. I hope that from this ordeal I will be better-equipped to be much more patient, loving, caring, understanding and present for people as they work with the concepts of "awareness", "presence" and "being" (and health). I hope that now I can just BE there with them until they are able to have that "aha moment" on their own terms, loving unconditionally.

I have grown from this experience in a way that I never expected.

Hosta... la vista, Baby!

I love you!

Cam

* The Japanese phrase 不幸中の幸い (fukouchuu no saiwai) means "from misfortune comes happiness).